The "A"-word

At our house, the big "A"-word is autism. We are coming up on five years since the Buddy was diagnosed with autism and the "A"-word became part of our daily vocabulary. I have to admit, even five years later, there isn't a minute I wish the Buddy didn't have autism, not for my sake (though sometimes it is), but mostly for his. I worry about what he misses out on because he has autism. What isn't he going to get to do because of autism? But then I just have to look at his sweet face and smile and hear his little songs and giggly laugh to realize the Buddy is a pretty happy guy, and I think he would be like that without autism as well. And I doubt the Buddy feels like he's missing out on anything. It's my pride that is the problem.

We have been involved in a pretty intense therapy & parent training program called RDI (Relationship Development Intervention) . It has been life-changing for the Dad and me. We have changed how we think about the Buddy and interact with him. Most of all, for me, it has given me much more confidence in myself to try new things with the Buddy and trust that both he & I will be able to handle what happens. Things that I NEVER would have attempted without reinforcements (an extra pair of eyes & hands), I find myself saying, let's do it! We are on a long journey with RDI, but the progress we've seen since September is so encouraging.

The other thing that has happened over the last month or so is our use of the "A"-word with the princess. For a while now, if she asked about something the Buddy did, or why he was having a hard time, or why we had therapists working in our home, we just tried to explain that his brain worked differently, or that he didn't understand what was going on, etc. A few weeks ago, I remember her asking me why he only says things from TV shows. She also thought that since she was going to his school in the fall for Kindergarten, that she would have the same teacher as him. I found that my previous explanations didn't seem sufficient, and so I told her the "A"-word for the first time. We've never wanted to shelter her from her brother's disability, since it affects our whole family, and I figured it was time she learned the real word. It has been interesting to see how she understands everything. She knows now that all of the kids in the Buddy's class have autism and that she will never be in that class. She knows that she and her beloved cousin Cody don't have autism and never will. She knows that the Buddy has always had autism. Even the other day, I lamented to her that the Buddy had put something in our compost bin that should have gone in the trash and I said, "Why did he do that?" And she said, "Autism, Mom." And she was mostly right. I know that as they grow up, she will be is best friend, his biggest cheerleader, and I hope she will be a more compassionate classmate and friend because she understands the "A"-word.